Asleep By Dawn

Just a note (not that it matters, but just in case) to announce that I will no longer be posting to LiveJournal.

To be honest, it's been an utterly useless waste of time. Those who know me know that I suffer form a chronic illness and am in constant severe pain most of the time. Energy is hard to come by in my world. I have to be very careful about how I use what little energy I can muster up. I'm not a techno-gadget person. I guess I'm old-fashioned. I recently read an article that demonstrated how much time and energy people waste on the web, mainly wiling away precious hours on social networking sites.

I've fallen behind on my reading, which really ticks me off.

There is no reason for me to continue posting here because no one really reads or is interested in what I post. I can see that LiveJournal is enjoyable for many. But it's not my thing.

I've set some lofty goals for myself, and given my health issues, it will be hard enough reaching them without 4 or 5 internet sites to check and maintain.

Perhaps I'll make use of LiveJournal in the future, but for now I'll only be signing on once in a while to read the Friends Page. There are a few communities I'm following, and I'd like to check in on them.

I will continue to use Facebook (Rowan Holly) and my blog: www.rowanholly.blogspot.com. I spent a lot of time creating my blog, and I'm happy with it. I don't want to give it up, and I'd like to make more use of it. Another reason why LJ has to go.

If anyone wants to get in touch with me, Facebook is the way. If you would like my personal email, message me at Facebook and I will give it to you.

So here is my last post. I've got a few things to say.

I've been holding a lot of resentment inside, and it's time I let some of it go because it's interfering with what I need and want to be doing--writing stories, NOT writing posts on the internet.

I'm also busy designing cover art and devising plans for networking and marketing. I have learned a LOT about publishing, but I have a ton more to learn. I have to use what little energy I have on the only thing I have left in my life that I can still do given my limitations. Aside from my two baby kitty girls and music, books--reading and writing them--are the most important thing in my life. Reading helps me get through severe chronic pain, lets me escape the stress for a while, and gives me joy. Contrary to what many believe about me, I've been writing my whole life. It just took me a while to realize what exactly I wanted to write and how I wanted to write. First I thought it was journalistic, then it was academic. I wrote short fiction as a teen and I've written poetry since I could write. Now I realize I was meant to write fiction, and there was a good reason why I felt so out of place and constrained in academia. Creative writing was frowned upon. Anything creative was dismissed as inferior, as flourish and embellishment; as cliche and irrelevant. Basically, the words I had in my heart were stupid and I'd better stop writing that way if I wanted to be taken seriously. It was made clear to me that I'd never get a job if I continued to write "serious" scholarly essays using my creativity and imagination. That isn't scientific. Science and art don't mix, even though I was researching and writing about ART and the creative process as a spiritual practice. No wonder I felt like I was losing my mind! Ten years in a cage. I'm proud of the work I did. But it wasn't meant to be. Do I feel like the three graduate degrees I earned are worthless? Yes and no. I have some emotional baggage to unload when it comes to my years in academia. But I don't think I would have dreamed up the world I'm writing about if it weren't for those ten years of research. Being an anthropolgist isn't a lucrative career, nor is it very rewarding at times (the politics of higher education are to blame for that), but I'll be damned if it isn't the perfect subject matter for a fantasy novelist.

Living with a chronic illness, in constant pain, is exhausting. I am still consumed by self-doubt. I don't look at my life as full of possibilities anymore. I just feel loss. I feel imprisoned in my body. I don't know who I am anymore because I've been forced to be someone else. I don't much like the "new me."

But I've always been a writer. I've never been given my due as a writer. Well, maybe a few people "allowed me" the claim that I'm a scholarly writer. The truth is, I friggin' hate scholarly writing. I've said it. It felt wrong. It felt forced. By the time my work was properly edited to fit the formula, it was no longer my own. It was not enjoyable. It was painful! I never once enjoyed any of it, and I've written thousands of pages. Can you imagine? Thousands of pages of meaningless crap that gave me nothing but discomfort and resentment. Yet I was praised for my skill. That's kind of amusing. Not everyone was pleased with the content, though. My subject was laughable and usually not seen as anything worthy of study. No, I don't want to get in to what I studied. Just take my word for it.

Even though I'm struggling, I've never felt so free. I get to create worlds and characters. I get to write my vision. It feels good. I've had a lot of pain in my life. I deserve to have a little fun. Dreaming up characters and working with a talented cover artist to bring them to life has been so much fun! There's nothing like it when I open that email and catch the first glimpse of my cover. So cool.

Right now I'm declaring that, regarless of whether people give me the recognition I deserve, I am a writer. I've ALWAYS been a writer. I'm not the best, I'm not the worst, but I think I'm good at it. I am also an aspiring novelist. I hope that my body cooperates so I can write down all the stories and create all the characters that crowd my mind. I hope that I can do a good job of drawing them out of my mind and putting them on paper. I also hope that someone will think my stories deserve to be published. I want the real deal. I dream of selling my books to ROC, ACE, or EOS, and that I'll see my books alongside my favorites, my idols. I don't know if I have what it takes. I'm very hard on myself. I never think I'm good enough. But I do think that I have just as good a shot as anyone else. I want to take that shot. If I don't, I'll regret it, and I have enough regrets.

I will no longer be a "shadow artist." I will not be pushed aside, hide, or dim my light for anyone under any circumstances ever again. There are people who don't want to support me or cheer me on. I'm pretty sure I know why. I'm still going to shine even if they don't like it. I don't care if anyone thinks what I write is silly. Don't read it if you feel that way. At this stage, I'm not accepting criticism. After ten years as a scholar and a college professor, I know when and what critiques are helpful. I'm at the ideas stage, working hard to get it all onto paper. I don't need anything beyond what I've already got to derail me. I realize by now that not everyone gets the recognition and respect that they deserve. I don't know why some people are so popular, and I don't pretend to understand the choices people make, what's hot, or how something or someone becomes a sensation while others don't even get a nod. I'm just going to be myself, do what I love, and whatever happens, happens. I do know that I'm not interested in being judged, so I will protect myself from it by avoiding the sources people use to publicly and anonymously "bash and trash." Our culture seems to encourage this behavior, and it's unfair. I'm not saying that there aren't plenty of "bad" books out there. But it's all up to personal tastes and preferences and the stories we read are filtered by our worldview, so it doesn't make sense that people are given the power to influence people's choices about what books they should or shouldn't read/buy. This is why I don't review books. I wouldn't want people to miss out on a book because it just wasn't my thing, or buy a book and go nuts because they hated it and wasted their money.

There are two people I need to thank. The very first sci-fi/fantasy series I read that made me fall in love with the genre was Sookie Stackhouse by Charlaine Harris. It was love at first read. I never stopped reading fantasy since I read Dead Until Dark. From there I learned everything I could about the genre, and I just kept searching for authors and series that I could read once I finished SS. I started with vampire stories and slowly opened up to all kinds of supernatural worlds and beings. That's when I found Kim Harrison. It was Kim Harrison who blew me away and inspired me to write fantasy. Kim Harrison is the reason I'm writing fantasy today. I wish I had a spark of the talent that she has. She's my hero, and I'm her number one fan. I'm very grateful to her and to the many other authors whose novels have thrilled me, moved me, made me laugh and cry, and gave me places to go so that I could escape from my life of doctors and pills for a while. I couldn't possibly list them all. They are fabulous women, and I'm forever grateful for their books, which are such an amazing gift. Charlaine, Kim, Juliet Blackwell, Patricia Briggs, Jaye Wells, Nicole Peeler, Victoria Laurie, Jeanne Stein, Jeri Smith-Ready, Faith Hunter, Chloe Neill, Rachel Caine, Linda Robertson, Kalayna Price, Diana Rowland, Jennifer Estep, Tate Hallaway...I could go on and on. Thank you all just for being you and for doing what you do.

I've been hurt by people who say they are going to do something and don't follow through. I just wish they'd just tell me they can't or don't want to do it rather than get me excited, or pass up on other opportunities because I'm waiting on the person I committed to working with. Fortunately, I met a fantastic and talented cover artist (her business is Para Graphic!) and I couldn't be happier. Thanks to her for being so dedicated, super fast, and for providing wonderful service to her clients.

So special thanks to all who've helped me and encouraged me. Thanks to those who've expressed an interest in my work. I'm very grateful. It makes me so happy to hear that there are people who are excited about what I'm doing. That's what keeps me going.

~Rowan

While I write and revise one of three novellas, two (perhaps three) of which will be available as electronic books by the end of the year, I am working with a fabulous artist on the covers. After combing through a ton of stock photos, I narrowed them down to four and took a vote. I'm happy to announce that I've found Payne, the guitarist of an all-girl goth punk hard rock band. The best part is that I had my favorite of the four in mind and the votes confirmed that she is the one. So here she is. I'm pleased to introduce...Payne! She's brilliant, beautiful, and super cool. And I totally want her outfit. ;-)



Payne is spunky, feisty, snarky, and at times troubled and over-burdened. She tries to hide the dark feelings that threaten to consume her. Payne is an empath and telepathic. She carries the pain of others as well as her own. She has a lot of responsibility and often feels like the weight of her world, a dimension that exists both within and apart from ours, rests on her shoulders. She takes blood as sustenance from willing donors and in return her blood is freely given to heal the sick and uplift the downtrodden. Sometimes she has to make decisions at a great personal cost, decisions that come with consequences she's not prepared or able to cope with. Recently, she was forced to make one such decision, and she is trying desperately to stay strong and fulfill her obligations. But it's not easy.


That's why Payne lives for music. It's part of her soul and she couldn't exist without it. Music is the only thing in her life that allows her a reprieve from a life constrained by duty--duty that can be emotionally jarring and scarring. You could say that Payne's world is rocked in more ways than one. Through her music, she can temporarily escape from a life that she devotedly and sincerely embraces, one marked by steadfast fidelity to the path chosen for her by Design. She can be her whimsical, charming self. With every stroke of the guitar, through every word and note that flows from her pen, she channels sorrow, anger, and fear, so that she can focus on her duty: to serve and lead others. Paradoxically, while she presents a persona of edgy goth-girl and performs from a dark place, her music is anything but sorrowful. It's agressive, yet joyfully cathartic. It's angst-filled, but it's also energizing. Her life represents the interplay of dark and light, of despair and hope, of pain and pleasure.

If you can't find Payne, it's safe to assume that she's tucked away somewhere in the depths of Blackwoods strumming her guitar, pen in hand, frantically trying to capture her feelings on paper before they quickly fade from her memory. Her mind works fast, so she struggles to keep up with her self, and the creative process is a sort of manic experience for her. Payne has such a sharp and brilliant mind, she can barely keep up with her own thoughts.

Payne is a rockstar, well-known and popular in the underground music scene in our world (Portland, Oregon and other small artsy seaside towns), and she is equally admired in her own world. She's loved by her friends and kin.

One other important bit of info: The band is made up of "supernatural" beings (two vamps, a fairy, and a witch), and the band also effectively serves as a cover for the girls as they carry out various missions given to them by the Elders. That's all I can tell you right now. Don't want to give it away!

BloodShine and its prequel are coming in December 2011. If you'd like to meet Payne and the girls, check out the concert, coming early 2012. All three novellas/shorts will be available as electronic books.

~Rowan

PLEASE visit www.rowanholly.blogspot.com and VOTE for the model you like best for the character "Payne."

Excerpt from my blog:

While I write and revise one of three novellas, two (perhaps three) of which will be available as electronic books by the end of the year, I am working with a fabulous artist on the covers. I like to keep them a surprise. But I'm having trouble selecting the right "person," i.e., stock photo model, for the role of Payne, the guitarist of an all-girl goth punk hard rock band.

I've narrowed it down to four models, and I'm calling on YOU to VOTE! Which one of these ladies is Payne?

Voting CLOSES at midnight. Again, go to my blog for details.

Thanks for participating!

~Rowan

Yay!
Here is my first cover. Visit my blog www.rowanholly.blogspot.com for more info.
Friend me on Facebook:
www.facebook.com/rowanhollyfiction



BloodShine - Novella, Coming December 2011

FINALLY, I've managed to get all my online social networking pages up and running. Now I just have to keep up with all of them! I'll do my best to keep my head above water!

Visit me on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/rowanhollyfiction

Follow me on Twitter:
http://twitter.com/#!/RowanHolly

Follow my BLOG:
http://www.rowanholly.blogspot.com/

See you here and there!
~Rowan

Wow! I had a crappy day. I had a crappy night. I was up all night crying. Long story. Crazy neighbor. Trying to find place to live. Another move. Nightmare, anyone?

But, DANG, I am HOT tonight! Wait. It's morning. AGAIN. Why am I always up all night? Am I really a vampire as some people suggest? Maybe they aren't just teasing me. This isn't good for me, but it's when I do my best work. I captured some cool dialogue on the short story. Yay! I was getting worried that I've lost my passion. Please, dear gods, allow me to keep going FORWARD. I don't want to be stuck anymore. Boo to that.

Need help bringing a couple characters to life!
Need some visual inspiration

Looking for an artist/illustrator interested in designing a character (from my novel) of a supernatural race. Message me! It will require a gothic touch and a dark imagination! Starting with female, will eventually need a male, too. Spread the word if you know someone! THANKS!